Have you experienced sexual assault at some time?
For anyone who has, the journey to recovery can be difficult. Get Help: The first step is the hardest.
UASA will be right by your side.
Sexual violence includes but is not limited to rape, incest, inappropriate touching, sexual harassment,
child molestation, marital rape, exposure and voyeurism.
If you have just been assaulted, you are probably in crisis, and need to know what your choices are. Just
click on Immediate Help for confidential and private guidance.
If you are a survivor of past sexual violence you may find Help for
Survivors very beneficial.
Sexual violence is very traumatic. Remember, you are not alone.
Sexual assault is never the victim's fault. It does not matter what you did, wore, or said. The emotional
effects of rape do not always appear immediately. It is never too late to get help.
Family and Friends:
Your help is important to the survivor of
sexual assault. Learn what to do to prevent sexual violence or help someone who has been affected. Please read our section on
Give Help...Family and Friends.
Help for Survivors
Getting back to normal can take a long time and you may be wondering if there is anyone who can help. Many
survivors have found it helpful to talk to rape crisis counselors. Call the 24/7 Crisis Line at 707-545-7273 or call during
office hours 707-545-7270 to set up an appointment with a counselor at our Santa Rosa office. You may also call the 24-hour
National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, at 1-800-656-HOPE. By calling this
number you will be automatically connected to your closest rape crisis center. Rape crisis centers are on call 24-hours a day
waiting to help you.
UASA provides a safe place to meet with other survivors. There are support groups available in both English
and Spanish for survivors of sexual assault and a group for family and friends of survivors.
(See Support Groups.) UASA also offers 8 and 16 week workshops for women survivors which can
facilitate healing.
Male Survivors of Sexual Assault
Our society's prevalent images of men claim that men are always strong, invulnerable, stoic, and in control.
Despite these stereotypes, men of all ages, sizes, strengths, looks, personalities and sexual orientations are victims of sexual
assault. Males are sexually assaulted both as adults and as children.
Many people wonder why men are assaulted at lower rates than women. Sexual assault usually results from the
perpetrator's attempt to feel more powerful, thus the individuals society perceives as having less power are often at greater risk
for sexual assault. This is one reason why males are less often sexually assaulted than females, and why male children are at a
greater risk of sexual assault than are adult males. On an individual emotional level males are as profoundly affected by sexual
assault as females. As a result of the assault, male survivors frequently experience emotions such as:
- anger
- anxiety
- confusion over sexual intimacy
- loneliness
- pain
- shame
It is not unusual for a sexual assault to leave a male survivor questioning his masculinity. This, among other
reasons, is why men are less likely to report a sexual assault. The fact that men are more frequently assaulted by other men, may
cause a male survivor to question his sexual orientation.
These reactions are common because our society perpetuates the myth that sexual assault is about sexual
attraction not domination and power. This same myth often inhibits survivors from seeking help in the aftermath of the assault.
All survivors, male or female, are entitled to receive empathetic, non-judgmental support and information after an assault. And,
regardless of gender, the assault is never the survivor’s fault.
24/7 Crisis Line: 707-545-7273
Family Help
1 in 3 girls and women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime. 1 in 6 boys and men are sexually assaulted by the age of 16.
Sexual assault affects everyone -- directly or through the experiences of those we care about. If someone you care about has been sexually assaulted, you can help.
When it happens, survivors may be uncertain of where to turn for help. They hesitate. Should they call the police? Go to the emergency room? Where can they get support in making these decisions?
24/7 Crisis Line: 707-545-7273
Let them know there is a place that gives information and connects survivors with support. Encourage your friends to play a part in making our society free from sexual violence.
When It Is Someone You Know
When someone you know or care about has been assaulted, it is normal
for you to feel upset and confused. At a time when you may want to
help most, you will be dealing with a crisis of your own.
You may find it difficult to listen when s/he needs to
talk about his or her feelings. You may hope that by not talking about it,
the feelings both of you have will go away.
You may be tempted to make decisions for the survivor, to be over-protective. You may want to hide the assault from others. You may feel disturbed or confused when the survivor continues to be affected for weeks, months, and even years.
Some partners may want more physical intimacy sooner than the survivor does. Others may feel resistant.
Maybe you feel guilty and responsible, believing you could somehow prevent the assault. You may also feel anger at the survivor or at everyone in general.
All of these feelings are understandable following the sexual assault of someone you love. Please know that if these feelings are hidden or expressed in hurtful ways, they can interfere with the resolution of your crisis and that of the survivor.
The survivor may need your support and understanding. You, however, also need support.
Rape is a violent assault, not a sexually-motivated or gratifying act. The rapist's aim is to dominate, humiliate, control and degrade the victim. Because the same body parts are involved in sexual assault as in making love, many people confuse sex and violence. Some respond to a survivor as if s/he provoked, wanted or enjoyed it.
Many people also believe rape is not traumatic. Not understanding the reality of sexual assault can make the crisis more difficult for both of you. The emotional impact of sexual assault does not disappear, and talking about it can help. Your feelings are normal, and resources are available for you too.
Join UASA's support group for family or friends of survivors of sexual assault: Healing Allies.
Family members, spouses and partners
Your help is important to the survivor of sexual assault. It is natural for her (him) to feel a tremendous loss of power and control over life. You can emphasize that just surviving is an accomplishment, and whatever s(he) did to survive was the right thing. It shows strength.
A survivor may feel anger, guilt, fear, anxiety, shame or depression. You may feel pain, sorrow, disgust -- or be impatient with the recovery process. You may blame yourself, or the survivor -- or want revenge. Here are a few things you can do to help the survivor:
- Tell them you believe them, and it's not their fault.
- Listen, but be honest and gently tell them if you cannot handle the details.
- Do not push them to talk, but be available to listen and help if needed.
- Help the survivor with options for immediate medical and legal concerns.
- Do not take control. Support the survivor's decisions, even if you disagree.
- Encourage them to seek support from trained professionals.
Deal with your own feelings and don't let them overshadow those of the survivor. Learn more about sexual assault so you can help in the healing process. Do not hesitate to seek help from trained professionals in dealing with your feelings.
If my partner has been assaulted, how do I deal with our sexual relationship?
If your partner wants to refrain from sexual activity, it is essential that you honor those wishes. Otherwise (s)he may feel rushed or frightened by your desire to be sexual.
Try to talk openly and gently about this with your partner. It is vital to communicate. Let your partner's needs guide your actions.
Your partner's attitude about sexuality may affect you. Consider seeing a counselor to talk about your feelings. Remember, most survivors recover from the trauma and lead healthy, loving lives.
Learn more about Sexual Assault.
Join Healing Allies, UASA’s support group for family and friends of sexual assault survivors.
Sexual assault is a very serious and personal trauma and should always be treated with sensitivity and respect for a survivor's privacy. But there is a role we all can play in supporting survivors and programs that serve them. Through individual commitments by concerned citizens and the mobilization of communities around the issue of sexual assault, the road to recovery and healing is paved.
Sexual assault affects us all. it compromises the health, safety and welfare of our families and neighborhoods. it directly burdens financial resources for healthcare, law enforcement and criminal justice.
It takes many people and varied approaches to make a difference. we hope you will join us in creating a society free from sexual violence.
- Become a Crisis Line Counselor. Volunteers staff the 24/7 Crisis Line. For information, call or email UASA's Crisis Line Coordinator: 707-545-7270 extension 19 or intervention@uasasonoma.org
- UASA offers internships for adults and service hours for teens that would like to become self-defense instructors. Call 707-545-7270 ext. 13 or prevention@uasasonoma.org.
- Community Education - sexual assault prevention workshops are offered to any community group requesting information on child abuse and general sexual assault issues. Call 707-545-7270 ext. 13 or email prevention@uasasonoma.org.
- Become a CAPP/TAPP educator - Child Abuse Prevention Project and Teen Assault Prevention Project. As a presenter for CAPP/TAPP, you will learn to facilitate dynamic classroom workshops for students. Call 707-545-7270 ext. 13 or email prevention@uasasonoma.org.
Sexual Harassment
Sexual Harassment is a legal term, created for the purpose of ending harassment and discrimination in the workplace. However, not all sexual behavior in the workplace is harassment, and the laws against sexual harassment do not extend to situations outside the workplace or school.
Harassment on the basis of sex is a violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act and Title IX of the Education Amendment.
The basic definition of Sexual Harassment comes from the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC):
Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct explicityly or implicitly affects an individual's work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.
This definition has been further elaborated:
Sexual Harassment can occur in a variety of circumstances, including but not limited to the following:
- The victim as well as the harasser may be a man or a woman. The victim does not have to be of the opposite sex.
- The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, an agent of the employer, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or a non-employee.
- The victim does not have to be the person harassed but could be anyone affected by the offensive behavior.
- Unlawful Sexual Harassment may occur without economic injury to or discharge of the victim.
- The harasser's conduct must be unwelcome.
Sexual harassment has multiple effects
- Emotional effects on the survivor
Guilt, shame, humiliation and embarrassment, stress, anxiety, confusion, fear, hopelessness, self-blame and self doubt, low self-esteem, loss of trust in others, mood swings and irritability, depression, anger, feelings of powerlessness and intimidation, isolation, withdrawal, and detachment from others.
- Physical effects on the survivor
Headaches, backaches and other aches and pains, sleeplessness and sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, nausea, and changes in weight, eating disorders, ulcers and stomach aches, dependence on alcohol and other drugs.
- Social effects on the survivor
Loss of friends, reduction in school activities due to negative self-image, isolation from peers, loss of trust in peers and authorities, inability to concentrate, damaged reputation.
- Effects on the employee
Loss of job, loss of income, loss of employee benefits, loss of promotions, reassignment of job position, inability to work or complete job tasks, inability to concentrate at work, drop in work performance, frightened of being at work, tardiness, loss of job recommendations.
- Effects on the student
Increased absences, may drop out of school, lower grades, inability to concentrate, decreased participation, transfer to another school, inability to study or complete assignments, fear of going to or being at school, tardiness.
- Effects on society
Decreased productivity, increased healthcare costs for physical and emotional effects, lower academic achievement, increased work and school related accidents due to lack of concentration, decreased attendance at job or school, cost of investigation and litigation, cost of unemployment benefits, and higher rate of divorce.
Men's Pledge to End Rape
Because:
- I believe that rape will not end until men become part of the solution;
- I take pride in myself as a man;
- I care about the women in my life;
- I am angry that people I know have been hurt;
- I know that a woman is raped every three minutes in this country;
- I understand that rape is a crime of violence against women's bodies, women's emotional well-being and women's right to do with their bodies as they choose;
- I recognize that men and women will not be equal until rape ends;
- I know that happiness between men and women is difficult in a world where rape exists;
- I accept my responsibility to assist in making this a safer world.
I pledge to:
- Express my anger about rape;
- Talk with other men about rape;
- Look at how men are raised and how that helps create a culture where rape is possible;
- Interrupt rape & sexist jokes;
- Support laws that encourage men to take responsibility for ending rape;
- Listen to female friends' fears and concerns for their safety;
- Pay attention to cries for help;
- Challenge images of violence against women in advertising and pornography;
- Encourage women to be strong and powerful;
- Recognize that cooperation is power;
- Change whatever I am doing that helps create a culture where rape is possible;
- Support women and men working to end rape.
Fourteen Ways You Can Begin To Stop Rape Today
Also see: 10 Things Men Can Do To Prevent Gender Violence
- Donate your time as a volunteer to your local rape crisis organization.
- Donate money to your local, state and national rape crisis organizations.
- Recognize that no one asks or deserves to be raped ever.
- Don't blame rape victims for the violence perpetrated against them.
- Know that silence does not equal consent.
- Take responsibility for your own sexuality: don't let it be defined by your partner, the media or anyone else.
- Don't use alcohol and/or drugs to get someone to have sex with you.
- Men: Become an ally to the women in your life—do not participate in sexist behavior by objectifying or stereotyping women.
- Women: Take a women's self-defense class—do not participate in sexist behavior by objectifying or stereotyping women.
- Teach your children, friends, parents and peers about the myths and realities of sexual assault.
- Find out what your local K-12 school board's policy is on sexual violence prevention and anti-rape education and get involved. If it is not proactive, change it!
- Lobby your local, state and federal legislators for funding for sexual assault victim support programs.
- If you have been a victim of a sexual assault either by a stranger, acquaintance or an intimate, know there is help out there. Seek it.
- Let teachers know you want to have rape prevention programs in your classes.
10 THINGS MEN CAN DO TO PREVENT GENDER VIOLENCE
1. Approach gender violence as a MEN'S issue involving men of all ages and socioeconomic, racial and ethnic backgrounds. View men not only as perpetrators or possible offenders, but as empowered bystanders who can confront abusive peers.
2. If a brother, friend, classmate, or teammate is abusing his female partner — or is disrespectful or abusive to girls and women in general — don't look the other way. If you feel comfortable doing so, try to talk to him about it. Urge him to seek help. Or if you don't know what to do, consult a friend, a parent, a professor, or a counselor. DON'T REMAIN SILENT.
3. Have the courage to look inward. Question your own attitudes. Don't be defensive when something you do or say ends up hurting someone else. Try hard to understand how your own attitudes and actions might inadvertently perpetuate sexism and violence, and work toward changing them.
4. If you suspect that a woman close to you is being abused or has been sexually assaulted, gently ask if you can help.
5. If you are emotionally, psychologically, physically, or sexually abusive to women, or have been in the past, seek professional help NOW.
6. Be an ally to women who are working to end all forms of gender violence. Support the work of campus-based women's centers. Attend "Take Back the Night" rallies and other public events. Raise money for community-based rape crisis centers and battered women's shelters. If you belong to a team or fraternity, or another student group, organize a fundraiser.
7. Recognize and speak out against homophobia and gay-bashing. Discrimination and violence against lesbians and gays are wrong in and of themselves. This abuse also has direct links to sexism (e.g. the sexual orientation of men who speak out against sexism is often questioned, a conscious or unconscious strategy intended to silence them. This is a key reason few men do so).
8. Attend programs, take courses, watch films, and read articles and books about multicultural masculinities, gender inequality, and the root causes of gender violence. Educate yourself and others about how larger social forces affect the conflicts between individual men and women.
9. Don't fund sexism. Refuse to purchase any magazine, rent any video, subscribe to any Web site, or buy any music that portrays girls or women in a sexually degrading or abusive manner. Protest sexism in the media.
10. Mentor and teach young boys about how to be men in ways that don't involve degrading or abusing girls and women. Volunteer to work with gender violence prevention programs, including anti-sexist men's programs. Lead by example.
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