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Women, men and children who have been raped or sexually assaulted are survivors. The term is used to emphasize the strength, resolve and determination that it takes to survive a sexual assault and follow a process of healing, which is often difficult.
This section includes letters and poems from former clients and survivors who have chosen to share their experience. Some letters have been edited for length.
Dear Survivor:
The man who raped me is now in jail and for a while, he won’t be hurting anyone else. He won’t be pointing guns at anyone, he won’t tell anyone he will hurt them if they don’t do what he says, he won’t create fear in anyone, he won’t keep me awake all night wondering if he will find me again, and he won’t continue to make me a victim any longer.
When I was raped, I had a choice to make. Was I going to let him get away with it because of my addiction and because I work the streets? Would I be able to go through a whole legal process without breaking down or giving up? Would my addiction tell me that this wasn’t that important?
After five days of deliberation, the jury found him guilty. When I heard the word “guilty,” I cried. It was me who took this rapist off the streets. It was me who had saved maybe one person from being violated by this man. It was me protecting my daughter from him and others like him. It was me who did something that would eventually take away my nightmares and my fears. It was me who realized that I was worthwhile, a good and decent person. I will do my best to get my life in order and with the help that I have received from counseling and my support group, I think that I will be okay.
I am proud of what I did and how I was able to endure the rape, the hospital emergency room, the police questioning, the lawyers, the never-ending days in court, the threats from his friends, the tears and the fears. It was all difficult, but I would do it again because I can feel safe now.
We Are Everywhere
We are everywhere
caring for small children
leading business meetings
volunteering at schools, hospitals, the local rape crisis center
writing best selling novels
Our stories vary in detail
one was raped by a stranger in a dark parking lot
the stereotypical image of sexual violence
while another was molested by her father or neighbor or family friend
the language changes, but the facts are essentially the same
and the healing takes years
but we go on
skillfully, courageously
often silently
we are your colleagues, neighbors, friends
and you might never know
because such stories rarely have a place
in daily conversation
and we go on
sighing at every new magazine article
that offers women
yet more advice
on how to lose weight, dye our hair, diminish signs of aging
dress more confidently/sexy/fashionably
be somehow other than what we are
who we’ve become
like somehow we never get it right
which is ultimately what rape taught us
especially when the voices start rattling in our heads
if only we had fought back
never gone on the date
told our mother, guidance counselor, minister
not worn that particular outfit
chosen another way home, a different man to partner with
not taken the candy, the balloon, the offers of kindness
but no
let me suggest a different version
if only
we, as a society, could wake up
and stop gorging ourselves
on daily depictions of violence against women
the nightly TV dramas
Law and Order
Special Victims Unit
the list goes on
if you know one woman who has been raped or battered
and trust me, you probably do
don’t buy a movie ticket to see
a woman beheaded in front of her daughter
shut off your TV in protest
of violent content as entertainment
tell Nike to shove their ads and their products
when they dare to depict a woman
in running sneakers
fleeing from a man with a chain saw
The one that got away
because many more of us didn’t
and we are your colleagues, neighbors, friends
We are everywhere
D.L. Sherrer
11/20/03
Survivor Psalm
I have been victimized.
I was in a fight that was not a fair fight.
I lost.
There is no shame in losing such fights,
Only in winning.
I have reached the stage of survivor and am
no longer a slave of victim status.
I look back with sadness rather than hate.
I look forward with hope rather than despair.
I may never forget, but I need
not constantly remember.
I was a victim.
I am a survivor.
Frank Ochberg, M.D.
Survivor’s Mantra
I am not broken, I am not broken, I am not broken
Dented, but
alive
free to make choices,
for myself
before others
I am okay, I am okay, I am okay
When in doubt,
friends still believe in me, no
I am not broken, and
if I wobble in my resolve,
Friends stretch out a net of love
I am not broken, I am not broken, I am not broken
Counseling Client Satisfaction Survey comments:
"It has been an incredible, powerful journey. [My counselor] is an excellent counselor whose questions and comments directed and supported me to reach for a deeper level of healing. So much healing has taken place. I am so thankful for having [my counselor] and UASA as my support team." [December, 2005]
"My sessions with my counselor have been truly transformative. She has made a huge impact in helping me increase my confidence and my comfort with my feelings." [September, 2005]
"[My counselor] is absolutely amazing. I made more progress than I thought possible. I am so grateful, words can't express." [August, 2005]
"I feel great. [my counselor] helped me through all of my set-backs and into a more clear heart. Many good times of feedback, lots of clear understanding and vital choices were made. Thanks!"
"[My counselor] and I were totally aligned in what I needed... Her ability to listen and offer objective feedback and support was a grounding safe haven for me to come to on a weekly basis. I'll miss coming, but feel free in my life now to move forward. Thank you!"
"I feel that I've learned a lot about myself these past months. About self-care and how to handle anxiety attacks. I appreciated having someone really listen and care."
"My counselor helped me see that I needed to take care of myself more. We talked about ways I could do that. She helped me understand my feelings of guilt around my daughter's sexual abuse."
"I was able to look at my issues that I was carefully avoiding. I had amazing breakthroughs as a result of our sessions. It was very healing."
"There are few words I can say about my experience with UASA except honor, acceptance, encouragement and empowerment. That is the experience I had and I received tools to give myself these things as well. Thank you so much!" [June, 2005]
"It is so comforting to be able to truly "be". To be accepted and valued is to be loved. It's amazing to feel this from someone who one month ago was a complete stranger to me. I appreciate the people and services you all are. It has so far been invaluable and precious. Thank you." [December, 2004]
"This has been an incredible journey. [My counselor's] research and insight always had significance in my life. I appreciate her openness and acceptance - it made me feel safe. Thank you! Thank you! P.S. Her humility made a space for me to be honest and comfortable." [December, 2004]
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